fanˇtaˇsy – noun:
 1.imagination, esp. when extravagant and unrestrained.
 2. to form mental images; imagine; fantasize.
sexual fantasy:
 1. mental images of an erotic nature that can lead to sexual arousal.
 2. erotic dreams, sexual thoughts.

So why would a rational, sane man let his mind create this kind of negative scenario? Two things: Number one is a lack of education about men's and women's sexuality. Number two is his ego. That's right, once again we find ourselves looking a the male ego.

If you're wondering we keep focusing on the male ego so much, especially in a negative way, it's because a man's ego rules his life, and his fantasies. While a boost to a man's ego gives him confidence, a blow to a man's ego can create all kinds of irrational fears and phobias that can take him years to overcome, if he ever does. Many grown men still remember being picked on by a bully in school and being too scared to fight back, or the rejection of having a girl laugh at him that he asked out on a date in high school. A man's ego is the second most sensitive part of his body... and in some cases the most sensitive, and always the most fragile. It's doubtful any women can truly comprehend or understand just what a man feels when his ego is threatened, and we can't expect them to when most men can't fully understand it themselves. When a man's ego is threatened, it's like a switch being flipped. That switch turns off almost all of the processes of logic and reason, and turns on a defense mechanism that will make him act, or more correctly react almost instantaneous to any threat to his ego he feels exists. Whether those fears are real or even rational or not doesn't matter. If he believes there is a real threat to his ego, he will react, and there are seldom any regards on his part for the consequences of his actions.

Another possibility is that these men's fantasies about their current partner are fantasies about the partner doing things with him she WON'T do in real life.

"I don't give blow jobs.  Giving a blow job is something college girls do.  Once you grow up you shouldn't have to do that kind of thing anymore."

That statement was made by a woman that obviously has no clue that sex is supposed to get better as we get older, and as we mature, so should our desire to explore and experience more and different sexual experiences.  Unless her current partner feels the same way she does, she should not be surprised if one day he finds another partner that isn't quite so narrow minded as she is.

If a woman won't perform oral sex or swallow, then in a man's fantasy she does.  Is it because oral sex that important to men?  Maybe... maybe not, but her refusal to give him a blow job is that important.  It doesn't matter what else she does, by saying no to oral sex, she's sending him a subconscious message that what he views as the most important part of his body isn't good enough for her to make love to.

If she refuses to have anal sex, then a man is going to fantasize about having anal sex with her.  It's a subconscious message that since she's refusing to give herself to him completely, she's keeping something from him.  To make matters worse, both of these messages can lead to the idea, rational or otherwise, that she is saving something special for someone else some day. Someone other than him.

Is there any kind of justification for this theory? Yes, and it's in the men's top ten fantasies.

Fantasy #9, Giving or Receiving Oral Sex to his female partner, and fantasy #10, Penetrating his female partner anally. Since the men are fantasizing about these things, it's probably safe to assume that their partners are saying 'No' to anal or oral sex. Women did fantasize about Receiving Oral Sex (known as performing Cunnilingus), but it was #19 on the women's list, nowhere near the top ten, and we never saw a woman's fantasy anywhere about being penetrated anally.

While anal sex can be painful if you don't know what you're doing, and it's not enjoyable for all women, it's still a refusal on the part of the woman to allow him complete access to her. If pain from a previous experience is an issue, or the fear of it being painful if she's never tried it, there are plenty of articles available to help women and men learn how to have anal sex without pain. As far as women performing oral sex on a man (known as performing Fellatio), we realize that some women choke or gag when swallowing a man's semen, but we also know that it's usually only a matter of time and a little practice before that's no longer an issue. Again, there are plenty of articles available to help women learn techniques for performing oral sex. There are certain medical reasons anal sex my not be a good idea, or even possible, but barring any medical restrictions, there's no other reason any woman, or any man, should say no to engaging in anal and oral sex with their partner.

For these two fantasies to have made the men's top ten list means there are probably a lot of women saying no. It also means there are a lot of men fantasizing about their current lover, but the fantasy may be about her doing things she won't do in real life.

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