Observations and
Comments about Men's Number One Sexual Fantasy
fanˇtaˇsy – noun:
1.imagination, esp. when extravagant and unrestrained.
2. to form mental images; imagine; fantasize.
sexual fantasy:
1. mental images of an erotic nature that can lead to sexual
arousal.
2. erotic dreams, sexual thoughts.
While women's most popular fantasy
involved being raped, dominated, and forced to have sex, women did
fantasize about their current partner. It was number four on the women's
list, but it was number one on the men's list.
That's right, 'Fantasies about his current partner' was the
number one, most popular fantasy for men!
We've already read that women's top fantasies are about
strangers, and men's are about their current lover, so does this mean
that everything we've been taught about women wanting one man and men
wanting multiple women is wrong? Are men actually more faithful in a
relationship than women? After all, it would seem that they are
fantasizing about their partner while she's fantasizing about a
stranger.
Before we jump to any conclusions, we have to remember that
society seldom condemns a man for craving wild, dirty sex all the time.
In fact, it's to be expected from a man, but this type of behavior is
taboo for women. Generations of religious and social condemnation about
a loose woman are still embedded deep in peoples minds. Men that perform
above and beyond the call of duty with multiple partners is a stud, or
at worst a player, but a woman that behaves that way is called easy,
promiscuous, a slut, a tramp, or a whore. Women enjoy sex as much as
men, and they enjoy wild, uninhibited sex just as much, but they aren't
suppose to tell anyone. This is frustrating for most women, and since
our fantasies tend to be about things we want but don't have, it's easy
to see why a woman's sexual fantasies would focus more on wild, kinky,
and uninhibited sexual encounters than a man's would.
But if our fantasies tend to be about things we want but don't
have, why would a man fantasize about his current partner?
He obviously 'has her' already or she wouldn't be his current
partner.
Psychologists Harold Leitenberg and Kris Henning on males and
females fantasizing about their current partner stated that "Some
people might be surprised to learn that in survey the most common sexual
fantasy (for men) was having sex with a partner, but when you think
about it, and remember that sexual fantasies aren’t just the
over-the-top dream sex you have, but include every time you think about
sex and feel aroused, it makes sense that we would think more about the
person we’re currently having sex with."
Leitenberg and Henning's evaluation of this fantasy is one
possibility, especially when a couple's relationship is extremely good,
including the sex. This is especially true with couples that are newly
weds, or in a relatively young relationship. It's also true with couples
that communicate openly with one another, and have probably spent some
time learning about male and female sexuality.
Some men may be fantasizing about sex with their partner because
they brought her to one simultaneous orgasm after another and it feeds
his ego to fantasize about doing it again. A man remembering a positive
sexual experience, and fantasizing about repeating it is fairly common,
and as long and the fantasy doesn't make him set his goals too high for
the next time, it's not harmful. In fact, it boosts his confidence and
makes him feel more manly.
But a man's 'Fantasies about his current partner' can be
much more complicated, and much more troubling than that.
We need to back up a little before we draw any conclusions about
why men fantasize about their partner. What does that mean exactly? What
kind of fantasies are they having? Simply saying a man has 'Fantasies
about his current partner' is pretty vague. Did he fantasize about
having sex with her tonight? Did he fantasize about a threesome with her
and another woman? Or did he fantasize she was performing oral sex on
him? Was his fantasy about something she already does... or could it
have been about something she won't do? Without some specific details
about exactly what the fantasies entail, and some intimate details about
the relationship, this fantasy could mean a large number of things for
both men and women.
Over the last few years, men have been bombarded with a lot
information about the female libido and how to bring a woman to orgasm.
In fact, there has been so much information about it that many men feel
it is solely their responsibility to provide a woman with her orgasm.
That's right. A lot of men feel a great deal of pressure during sex (not
that kind of pressure). There's also the 'stud' factor. His buddies brag
about how the woman they were with last night almost tore the sheets off
of the bed and screamed his name so loud he was afraid the neighbors
would call the cops when he made her cum. He watches a TV show or a
video of two actors in a sex scene and sees the woman buck like a wild
horse and scream that the man is making her cum. He reads stories about
women describing the most incredible sexual experience they've ever had
when the man they were with brought her to one incredible orgasm after
another.
But there's no disclaimers telling him that his buddy was
exaggerating, the man and woman were acting, and that all women do not
react this way. It doesn't matter if he can differentiate fact from
fiction or not. He knows there are women that do behave like this, (even
if there's a bit of acting involved on her part) and he may start to
wonder why his own partner doesn't lose complete control and go wild
when (or if) she has an orgasm. Unless he's done his research on women's
orgasms, which far too many men AND women haven't, and he understands
that while a man can help a woman have one or more orgasms, it's
ultimately up to the woman to be able to achieve an orgasm, then all the
information he's getting is telling him that it's his job to not only
bring her to an orgasm, but to a series of earth shattering orgasms.
In this scenario, his 'fantasies' about his current lover may
actually be brought on from worrying about whether or not he did his job
good enough. If she doesn't go wild and act like a porn queen when they
have sex, his ego may be under attack, and he may be fantasizing about
her losing complete control and having one incredible orgasm after
another, even if she's never experienced an orgasm in her life.
