Sex Up
Your Bedroom
"Forget the babysitter. Forget the romantic dinner and movie or
the weekend getaway.
Get busy with your partner in your own bed at home. Sex with
your spouse isn't just good for your marriage,
it's also free." |
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The Journal of Sex Research
conducted a study in 2002 that found the average married couple,
out of 452 studied, stopped having regular sex four years after
having their first child, whether or not they had more children
in those four years. Some experts interviewed for the story
blame the lack of sex on distractions like work, technology, and
childcare duties. All these things can become so overwhelming
that couples actually have to schedule sex.
Melissa Rayworth's (The New Celibacy: Are Generation X Parents
Giving Up On Sex?) advice: "Forget the babysitter. Forget the
romantic dinner and movie or the weekend getaway. Get busy with
your partner in your own bed at home. Sex with your spouse isn't
just good for your marriage, it's also free."
Your bedroom is supposed to be
your sanctuary and haven. It's a place to get away from it all
and leave everyday stresses behind. Unfortunately, in real
life, the bedroom is the room that gets the least attention.
Instead, it becomes a dumping ground for clothes, an office to
bring work home to, or another version of the TV room. Not sexy.
When decorating your bedroom,
you want to make sure you create a sensual atmosphere.
After all, that is where all the magic happens. Not only
is a sensual bedroom conducive to sex, it will help keep your
mind off daily routines.
Couples who put a little extra
effort into turning their bedroom into their personal love den
get even more than a peaceful getaway. These couples have found
a way to put togetherness first and increase their bond with
each other through inspired love play. You may not always be in
the mood when you walk in the door after a long day, but one
step into your passionate playground should go a long way toward
stoking the fires of passion.
Before getting started, get rid of all the junk that accumulates
in your bedroom. Don't use it as a dumping ground for kids' art
projects, laundry, newspapers, and magazines. No one feels sexy
going to bed in a warehouse. Get everything up off the
floor, store the things that warrant it and trash the things
that don't. Clear off the surfaces of chests and tables, and
only replace what is meaningful or pretty. You don't want to see
anything that reminds you of chores or obligations. Everything
your eye lands on should make you feel relaxed and confident.
Make sure to pick a comfortable bed and soft and silky bed
linens.
Next you'll need to take some
time out and define the purpose of your room. Think about what
you want you and your partner to feel when you walk into the
room. Hot sex, sentimental romance, exotic getaway or something
in between? Once you determined the theme or mood of the room,
don't let anything in that doesn't reflect your overall goal.
Ready to bring sexy back to
your bedroom? Now that you've defined your purpose, use these
tips to put it into action! |
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1.
Romantic, Sensual & Erotic Accents |
| Fan the flames of
passion with sensual photography, artwork, sculptures or
collectibles. Try blowing up photos of cozy moments or
erotic images of you and your lover in action. You
can even have them professionally converted into prints.
If a picture of you and your partner in a compromising
position isn't something you want hanging on your wall,
or you're not in a monogamous relationship, then get
erotic prints of yourself or of other couples (Read
Erotic: This seldom means this month's centerfold). |
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2. The color of Passion |
| Color is the easiest
and quickest way to set the mood of a room. Red is a
stimulant, and is often identified as a color synonymous
with sex and romance, but red is also known for bringing
out aggressive behaviors and thoughts, and its
psychological effects can include irritability. Purple
invokes an exotic, sensual feeling while still keeping
the air of relaxation, making it a favorable color
choice. Other good choices include medium to dark shades
of purple, blue, green, brown, grey and orange. Great
accent colors include red, black, pink, white, and tan. |
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3. Paint the Ceiling |
| A 2007 study by the
University of Minnesota found that high ceilings prompt
more inventive thinking, and low ceilings help you focus
on details. If your partner is too busy getting
kinky to pay attention to your clit, paint your ceiling
darker than your walls to make it seem lower. If your
guy seldom strays beyond missionary, paint it several
shades lighter. |
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4. TV or No TV |
| Most experts say keep
the TV out of the bedroom. There's even been
studies done that show couples that don't have a TV in
the bedroom have sex twice as often as those that do.
If you just have to have a TV in the bedroom, then make
sure you have some adult DVDs on hand. Many couples that
have been together for a while enjoy watching an X rated
movie together in bed. This not only satisfies our
voyeuristic tendencies (and yes, we all have them), but
you might pick up a few tips for some new positions, or
even a fantasy or two you and your partner can play out
together. |
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5. Use Plants for Passion |
| Fresh flowers not
only make your room look lovely and smell good, a recent
study in the Scandinavian Journal of Psychology found
that women perform better on creative tasks when in the
company of plants. Choose classically foxy flora
like roses, which emit a mood-enhancing chemical called
phenylethylamine, or PEA. You can also surround yourself
with lavender and lily of the valley, whose sweet
fragrances, according to the Smell and Taste Treatment
and Research Foundation, help increase arousal in men. |
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6. Pick the right lighting |
Overhead lighting is
notoriously unflattering. Bright lights can detract from
the ambience, and there’s nothing sexy about a well-lit room.
You want shadows, highlights, and the soft glow of filtered
light. Lighting in the bedroom should be soft and
filtered. Go for mood lighting and replace the white bulbs
with pink or amber tinted bulbs. Everybody looks good in this
light. |
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7. Candle Light is Always Romantic |
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Candles are wonderful. They create
a warm, inviting & sensual ambiance to a bedroom. They also
provide mystery. When purchasing candles try getting the
aromatherapy candles because they work even better. Choose
different colors as well. Red candles stand for sexual
attraction, love, vigor, and health.. Pink candles stand
for attraction of affection, winning of love, honor, success,
and conquering of evil. White candles stand for purity, truth,
realization of personal power, and spiritual strength. Light
white & red candles together to enhance the evening's romantic
atmosphere.
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8. Set the Mood with Music |
Be sure to include music options for your sense of
sound. "One of the easiest ways to change your
environment is with sound," says Stephanie Buehler,
Psy.D., sex therapist and director of the Buehler
Institute in Irvine, California, so keep a selection of
CDs at your fingertips to set the mood. Music also
helps create an audio buffer so nobody will hear what
you are doing in there. CDs that focus on romance
and erotic music are available online at
Passions Unchained Sex Toys,
Adam & Eve or
Hustler Hollywood. |
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9. Fragrance |
| Once you’ve covered
sight, sound, and touch, make sure to cover scent.
Take the same approach to smell that you took to sight.
Send calming or sensual scents throughout the bedroom
and choose a scent that your lover and you both like.
Incense is a great addition to creating a romantic
bedroom. These can be the most powerful aphrodisiac
because of it's sense of mysteriousness. Have you ever
watched the hypnotic swirls of smoke as they escape into
the air? It's almost like a love drug. Sweet
smelling incense, like Rose or an actual aphrodisiac
incense are extremely exotic. |
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10. Watch Yourself |
| Adding mirrors to your
bedroom will add also add depth. You don't have to be
blatantly obvious and put it over the bed, but a
strategically placed mirror definitely adds sexy
sparkle, and can really spice things up. It will
add glimmer and shine, both sexy qualities. Propping up
a mirror next to the bed can make you feel as
sophisticated as a contestant on Charm School. Place a
mirror on the longest wall. The whole room will appear
twice its real width. Add a second mirror on the side
wall for additional light. For a subtler visual
thrill, cluster big, sturdy candles on the floor in
front of a mirror to create shadows. |
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11. Have the Wardrobe of a Sex Goddess |
| Clean and organize
your closet so you can keep your lingerie in a prominent
position. Having your lingerie visible when the
closet doors are open creates two effects. One, it's
easy to get to whenever the mood strikes and two, it
serves as a daily teaser for your lover. We've already
covered the fact that mirrors add glimmer and shine, so
you can also place a full length mirror on the inside of
each closet door and give him a treat as he watches you
change. |
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12. Baskets of Love |
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Keep a secret box of your love toys handy and easily
accessible. Things to include could include lotions,
massage oils, vibrators, cock rings and any other sex
toys you both like to use. Lockable toy storage
boxes are perfect for hiding your personal items from
kids, roommates, guests, and others. Secret stash
pillows are also great for keeping your sex toys hidden
but still close at hand. Kama sutra oils and powders
come in very stylish packages that are suitable for
leaving on display on a nightstand or dresser top.
Toibox and Toitissue storage systems look like a jewelry
box or tissue box with secret compartments for hiding
sex toys or valuables. |
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Keep Your
Sex Toys Tucked Away |
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| Stash your sex toys and
valuables and rest easy
afterwards with a plush secret
Stash Pillow. These pillow's
contents are your little secret,
thanks to a hidden compartment
located behind the zipper
opening. Stow your favorite toys
and adult products, valuables,
or anything else you don't want
others to find. Don't worry,
everyone will think it's just a
comfortable throw pillow! Enjoy
the freedom of knowing that your
naughty secrets won't go any
further than your bedroom! |
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Designer Secrets to a Sexy
Bedroom
The best design advice to set
the mood
Bedding to Spend All Day In
"Even if you’re watching your
wallet, the place to spend the
money is the bedding." —Cathy
Hobbs, founder of Aphereä
"People will over-pillow the
bed," warns designer Eric Cohler,
of Eric Cohler Design Inc. It’s
not sexy to have a romantic
interlude put on pause while all
the pillows are removed.
"For a two-person bed, you need
at most two Euro-sham-size
pillows (placed against the
headboard), and four sleeping
pillows." —Designer Rebecca
Cole, Rebecca Cole Design
Flooring That Makes You Weak
in the Knees
"For anything but a beach
house—where wood floors are
fine—you should have
wall-to-wall carpeting in the
bedroom." —Harry Heissmann,
Senior Designer, Albert Hadley
Inc.
"A wool rug with silk in it will
create a beautiful shimmering
effect in candlelight."
—Designer Amy Lau
Window Treatments to Shut Out
the World
"I love the elegance of a whole
wall of drapery, ceiling to
floor." —Designer Rebecca Cole
"Blackout curtains are a must in
the bedroom so you can stay in
bed as long as you want."
—Designer Eric Cohler
Come-Hither Lighting
"The allure of the bedroom is in
the lighting." —Benjamin
Noriega-Ortiz
"Use gold paper on the inside of
a semi-opaque or opaque
lacquered paper lampshade, and
it counteracts the unflattering
glow of a compact fluorescent."
—Harry Heissmann, senior
designer, Albert Hadley Inc
Color that Flatters
"Go with your favorite color
because a bedroom should have
the things you love." —Cathy
Hobbs, of Aphereä Design (whose
own bedroom has burnt-orange
walls)
"A wallpaper with depth and
dimension can add color and
spice to the bedroom." —Designer
Amy Lau
"For the bedroom, I like a
slightly shiny wall with a
Venetian plaster finish." —Harry
Heissmann, senior designer,
Albert Hadley Inc. |
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5 Things You Can Learn
From Watching Porn
You don't need an expert to tell you that
action on the tube can inspire real-world raunch |
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Originally
published in Ask Miss Sassy
I was on my way to dinner with a friend a few
weeks ago and drove past the Vivid building, in
Studio City, and it got me to thinking. What is
it about porn, that keeps us watching?
Personally, I watch for tips and tricks, that's
my story and I'm stickin' to it. Trust me,
everyone can learn something from watching porn. |
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Don't Forget to
Breathe |
 This
is imperative if you don't want fellatio to lead
to you dying from asphyxiation. Watch a butt
load of pornos that pan in tight during the oral
sex scenes, take notes and recreate what you
see. And since I take moaning as a sign of
pleasure, I can only assume that the hours of
defiling my vision with sights of Jenna J.
performing oral sex has paid off.
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Cue The Sound |
 Some
accurately placed "Ooos" and "Aahhs" is all it
takes to get a guys motor running, sometimes.
Loud sex is so much hotter than "doing it" to
the background noise of crickets or dogs barking
down the street. If my guy is sending me on a
mind blowing, toe curling rocket trip to the
moon, then I want to let the whole world know
it, especially him. Like the girls in the adult
industry, good sex just can't be good sex
without, "Oh my God...Yeah...Right there...Do me
just like that..." You get the gist. |
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Look How They
Bend |
 This
is by far the most appealing reason behind
sitting through 30 minutes of bad acting. You
weather the crap to see the good stuff...the
positions! I was actually watching a movie the
other day and saw some interesting kind of lotus
position I want to try. I even saw a movie where
a girl did a hand-stand as her grand finale.
While I haven't had that kind of flexibility
since I quit gymnastics, all the bendy posses
make you feel randy. Let them inspire you to try
new things in the sack. |
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Girls Are Hot |
 I
think sex with a man is the most wonderful mind
blowing experience there is. But watching porn
has definitely opened my mind to the appeal of
girl on girl action. I know, I know,
entertaining such thoughts are strictly against
my religious upbringing. But girls are sexy,
damn it. And the thought of kissing a pair of
soft perfectly glossed lips makes things happen
in my pants. |
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Always Be
Prepared |
 Yes,
watching porn has taught me the importance of
sexy underwear. Always be prepared for sex. That
includes everything from landscaping, to baby
smooth skin, and having a sexy little something
on underneath your clothes. You never know when
you may need to pause in the middle of your day
to make sweet sweet love to a random stranger. |
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Mood Killers
Keeping in mind that the boudoir
is your place for love, certain objects may not be best
suited for your playroom. Hidden mood killers include:
Laundry
When you're in the beginning
stages of passionate play, looking over and seeing a
pile of dirty clothes (or even clean ones) isn't going
to help.
Clutter
Nothing is more distracting,
especially to women, than clutter. Consider the
minimalist approach in your bedroom and keep only things
that are necessary for setting your mood.
Computers or Office Equipment
While you may need extra space
for your home office, the bedroom isn't the place for
it. How can you close the door on your work day if
that's where you spend your alone time with your
partner.
Photos of Children or Family
Members
We all want reminders of the people we love, but the
bedroom isn't always the best place for some of them.
Keep the mood of the room in check with photos of
pictures of the two of you together or sensual
photography.
Stuffed Toys/Mementos
Stuffed toys are cute and memorable, but really, do they
belong in the bedroom while you're trying to be a sex
goddess? It definitely sends the opposite message of
anything erotic. |
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Sex
Up Your Bedroom |
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