Subtle hints can be different things for different people, and while it may be hard to pick up on subtle hints from a lover you haven't been with for very long because you're still learning their signals, it's just as easy for couples that have been together for a while to miss their partner's subtle hints that they may be feeling amorous. Women are just as guilty of this as men are, so ladies, don't be too quick to consider this an exclusively-male-flaw.

We've divided this section into two parts, one for men and one for women because some of the mistakes are gender specific, but some of them can be made by both men and women. Take a few minutes to read over the mistakes for members of the opposite sex as well to make sure you're not guilty of making some of them.

As we point out in the section A Usable Guide to Oral Sex, the majority of women say deep throating is the best way to swallow a man's cum when giving him a blowjob since it keeps the semen off of the tongue. But some women have different tips that work better for them, so we searched our files, and the web, for some tips from women who don't think deep throating is the best technique for swallowing their man's load. Although we narrowed it down to some of our favorites, we couldn't decide on just ten, so there's six bonus tips in this section. Some tips, such as holding your breath, works for some women, other's say this makes it worse, so you'll have to experiment and see what works the best for you.

6 Bonus Tips:

1. Make him cum more often so the loads won't be as big, and you have a smaller load to swallow.

2. Don't forget to ejaculate regularly, to make sure the taste stays fresh. Just like with food, the longer your semen stays in there, the less fresh the taste will be. Just try eating 4-day-old donuts and you'll see what I mean!

3. For me, swallowing slow makes me gag less than swallowing fast.

4. Practice in the shower. Then, if you have to spit some, it is easy to clean up. When you feel no pressure to swallow, swallowing is easier.

5. I try and work up a nice wet mouth with plenty of saliva saved up. Then when he cums, I slurp and swish and really bob my head mixing the jizz and saliva. This also seems to help generate more saliva, which helps thin out the jizz.

6. I read this trick in my boyfriend's Playboy. If you make a fist and place it between his balls and his asshole when he is about to cum, it really cuts down on the size of his load.

Since there are so many articles telling men about a women's sexuality, and articles dealing with ways to satisfy a woman and bring her to one or more orgasms, we thought it was only fair to give the ladies a few pointers on ways to improve her abilities when it comes to satisfying a man. The best thing is, the things that improve sex for a man make sex more pleasurable for a woman as well.

The approach to dealing with the topic of male sexual satisfaction is a little different than dealing with a woman's sexual satisfaction for the simple fact that men are basically guaranteed an orgasm. Men are also sexually stimulated much quicker than a woman, and they reach their orgasm much faster than a woman as well. Since men don't face the same physical issues as women when it comes to cumming, it should be obvious the approach to male satisfaction would have to be in the emotional gratification area more than the physical gratification, and nothing is more erotic or sexually gratifying to a man than a woman who has learned take control of the situation once in a while.

By taking control, we don't mean just securing a man to the bed with ankle and wrist cuffs and doing whatever you want to him, although that is something every couple should try. A woman that can take control in bed is a woman that is confident and knows what things please her. This woman is in control because rather than constantly focusing on whether or not her partner is going to be able to bring her to an orgasm, she is free to focus her attention on his wants and needs once in a while. Even with the many changes that have occurred over the years in men's and women's roles in and out of bed, most men still feel it is their responsibility to bring a woman an orgasm every time they have sex. Whether or not it is the man's fault or not if a woman doesn't achieve an orgasm, men will view themselves as a failure if they can't, usually getting defensive if the woman appears to be unsatisfied after sex in any way. This has a lot to do with the after-play issue we mentioned in the 10 Mistakes Women Need to Avoid Making. When a woman knows she can be satisfied in bed any time she wants, with or without a partner, she gains self confidence and is able to free the man of his responsibility for making each love making session an erotic, orgasmic experience for her.

Gaining Self Confidence:
The most important asset a woman can have is self-confidence. A woman who is confident not only in her skills and actions, but also in her appearance is a number one turn-on for a man.

When you are involved in a relationship with a man, sex is eventually going to part of that relationship, and sex means looking at one another in the nude. The man you're with was attracted to you physically or he wouldn't be there right now, so even if you don't think you look like a Playboy or Penthouse model, he already knew what you looked like when he met you, and the fact the two of you are in a relationship proves he likes what he sees.

It's been proven time after time that the majority of women are not happy with their own appearance, no matter how good they look, but if you focus your attention on the physical parts of your body that you consider flaws, and you focus his attention on them as well by asking things like "is my ass too big" or saying things like "I don't like my tits, they need to be bigger/smaller/perkier/rounder... etc. etc.", you're not only going to kill the passion in your relationship, but you're telling him that he can't possibly be happy in a relationship with you because you're not happy with the person you are.

Since tips on how to gain self confidence is an article in itself, and we happen to have such an article on this site, after you read through this short article, we refer you to the article What Makes You a Sexy Person rather than repeat it here.

Confidence should also be about your ability and willingness to try things that you have never done before. This will allow creativity to enter into your relationship creating not only a stronger bond between the two of you, but also allowing each partner to understand how the other feels and thinks. Again, rather than repeat the same tips here that we already have for trying new sexual experiences, we refer you to the article New Things To Try for some ideas to liven up your sex life.

For now, we're going to concentrate on what you as a woman need to do in order to be able to initiate all of the new ideas you'll get from those articles.

The problem with a woman being confident in the bedroom:

When you think about a self confident woman, you not only think of a woman who is comfortable with her appearance, but one that is more aggressive than passive, and is more comfortable expressing herself verbally and physically. One of the biggest problems women have when it comes to being self confident about sex is the misguided perception of a self confident women being a whore or a slut. Women get caught in the 'virgin mother' syndrome, where society has often worshipped nonsexual women, virgins and virginal mothers, and religions frequently label sexual women as sinners and witches. In the past, and even today, a teenage girl or woman is labeled as being easy or being a slut if she behaves in a sexy manner or expresses her sexual desires.

In today's society, we somehow expect women to be both sexual and orgasmic, yet still remain virginal. This is due to the fact that when we were young, our parents were our role models, and we perceived our mother was what a wife should be. The problem is most people, especially men, do not perceive their mother as a sexual being, and regardless of the fact none of us would be here today if our mother didn't have sex, just the thought of their mother having sex is disturbing for most men. As teenagers and young men, a boy's mother may have openly rejected any woman who is sexual as not being a 'proper' mate for her son. Most men carry this attitude with them as they age, and while a man may brag to his buddies about the sexual skills of his girlfriend, he will become angry and defensive if anyone should suggest his wife does anything of a sexual nature.  A girlfriend can be a slut, but a wife must be a virgin, so women have associated the sexual girlfriend as someone a man will not want to have a long term relationship with, and definitely not want to marry. Girls have been taught at a young age that a man will not want to marry them if they aren't a virgin on their wedding night. While this may have been common a century ago, abstinence until marriage is rare now, but the idea of a virginal woman being a more acceptable wife is still embedded in our minds. To make themselves acceptable, a woman may subconsciously take on the 'sexless mother' or 'good girl' role in order to be a suitable mate, even if she's not looking for a husband.

So what does all of this have to do with being self confident? Self confidence goes far beyond appearance and a woman's independence. Regardless of how self confident she is about her appearance, or anything else, she understands that "good girls" are expected to be passive, and even ignorant when it comes to sex, and many women fear their boyfriend or husband may reject them if they show an aggressive sexual nature, especially early on in a relationship.  Unfortunately, this same concept of being a 'good girl' moves from the public place to the bedroom, and many women fear being sexually aggressive. This fear causes her to lack self confidence when it comes to expressing her sexual desires.

So we can see that being a confident woman in the bedroom may require a bit of re-thinking on a woman's part about how she perceives herself. Remember the old saying: 'A good girl goes to heaven, but a bad girl goes anywhere she wants'. If you want to go farther in the bedroom, but don't want to be perceived as a slut in public, you may have to be confident enough to become two people, both the good girl you are suppose to be in public to the bad girl you should want to be in the bedroom.

By the way, for women who haven't figure this out yet, most men want their wife or girlfriend to be a slut in private. While the thought of actually hiring a prostitute may not excite a lot of men, there is still an excitement about the thought of it for the simple fact that the job she performs caries with it an assumed self confidence on her part. No one imagines a hooker as a woman lacking self confidence and being timid in bed.

Men that do feel the need for their wife or girlfriend to remain passive in bed probably have so many sexual hang ups they aren't capable of a healthy, sexual relationship, and probably never will until they can make some major changes in their outlook about sex, whether on their own or through sex counseling.

Gain Knowledge:

Why is pornography so popular among men and not women? For the same reason why boys take apart toasters and everything else that they can get their hands on. Most men need to understand how things work, and want to investigate. Most women don't have this inquisitive nature that men do. It's been said this phenomenon is due to the fact that since women can have babies, women are born with the necessary equipment to create life, so men feel the need to create in other ways. Whether this is true or not doesn't matter. What does matter is that women need to be more inquisitive about sex and learn more about erotic and exotic sex activates and techniques.

Some women have isolated themselves from visual stimulation so much they're not even comfortable looking at their lover's body when they're nude. While the positions porn stars have sex in are more for the camera angle than actual pleasure, it doesn't take much imagination to see how to adjust many of these positions in real life to make them pleasurable. There are other moves and techniques that can be learned from different porn movies. Mutual masturbation, oral sex, anal sex, and even ideas for role-playing can be learned from watching porno movies. If publically admitting you watch porn may not be something you're comfortable doing, you don't have to wear a T Shirt advertising the fact you watch XXX rated movies. Buy yourself some different adult movies with different themes, including some of the adult how-to movies, and watch them in private. You'll not only gain knowledge about sex, watching porn can help you to overcome any sexual inhibitions you may have, and it will provide some nice visual stimulation for your masturbation sessions that we're getting ready to discuss.

Another area of sexual pleasure many women fail to learn about is sex toys. While it's common for many women and girls to masturbate by massaging their clitoris with hands and fingers or rub their vulva up against pillows, stuffed animals, and furniture, too many women avoid using a dildo, a dong, a vibrator or other sex toys when masturbating. While there is nothing wrong with masturbating or having sex without using sex toys, there are some sensations, such as vibration, that aren't possible without them. Additionally, if a woman keeps a variety of sex toys by her bed, it's much easier for her to suggest the use of sex toys to her partner during foreplay. Almost any man will jump on the chance to use a vibrator to masturbate a woman to her first orgasm, and it gives you the chance to tell him what you want him to do to you, opening up the lines of communication for further instruction on what to do with his hands, his mouth, and even his cock when you move from foreplay to fucking.


Masturbate:

Unless you know what it takes for you to be satisfied sexually, how can you expect a man to know what you want if you don't know yourself?

Although it's possible to discover things you like from what your partner or partners do to you, it's also possible to learn that sex leaves you feeling unfulfilled because your partner's techniques fail to satisfy you completely, or fail to bring you to an orgasm. To a certain extent, achieving an orgasm has become a chore instead of a pleasure for some women. You cannot force yourself to experience orgasm, and if you become too preoccupied with the mechanics of achieving an orgasm during intercourse, sex becomes unpleasant and frustrating for both you and your partner. Achieving an orgasm is something that occurs naturally to a woman when she is properly stimulated sexually, and you can learn to let your body achieve an orgasm by spending time alone masturbating.

Masturbating will not only give you the opportunity to explore your body, but it will give you a high level of sexual freedom. Women who masturbate regularly are usually more confident when having sex with a partner since they have learned different techniques to control their sexual responses, and they are able to tell their partner what they do and don't want. Masturbating can also help you learn how much stimulation your body needs to reach an orgasmic level.  Sexologists William Hartman and Marilyn Fithian monitored over 20,000 orgasms and found that it takes an average of twenty minutes for women to reach orgasm in the laboratory. For many women, it can take up to a half-hour or more of sustained stimulation to move into an orgasmic range.

Many women already masturbate but still have a problem achieving an orgasm or even sexual satisfaction during sex. Even though many women report masturbating from an early age, some as young as five years old, it is important to understand there is no "correct" or "right" way to masturbate. Some women feel they should be able to masturbate to an orgasm using a certain method because they hear other women do it that way. It is important to keep in mind that each woman's anatomy is a little different and their psychological makeup is a lot different. This results in every woman masturbating differently, even if they use the same basic technique.

Since we are dealing with masturbating as a means to improve your sex life with a partner, it's important to realize that ninety percent of women who masturbate do so by stimulating their clitoris, and only ten percent of women stimulate their vagina while masturbating, and even they usually stimulate their clitoris at the same time. When a woman masturbates, she is almost guaranteed an orgasm, but by concentrating primarily on the clit, she can be leaving herself open for disappointment during intercourse because of the lack of vaginal stimulation. While every woman should be self confident enough to reach down and stimulate her clit during intercourse, by changing the way you masturbate and spend more time concentrating on your vagina and your G Spot, you can help teach your body to achieve an orgasm with less stimulation on your clit. Additionally, by masturbating with non vibrating, normal size dildo and keeping the thrusts to a realistic level, you can reproduce the sensations during intercourse without the emotional pressure during sex. This will give you the time you need to practice and teach your body to achieve an orgasm easier during sex.

Initiate Sex:
There is a 90 percent chance that the man in your life is there because he approached you and made the first move. The chances are he was the one to move in for the first kiss, and the one to initiate the first sexual encounter. Whether he did so with a verbal suggestion, or relied on your physical response as the heavy petting move on to groping and him removing your clothing, more often than not, it's the man that initiates sex in a relationship. While this goes back to the traditional roles of the male and female mentioned in the article a Focus on Women's Sexuality, it also has to do with the fact many women feel their partner will think they're 'easy' or they're a slut if they get too aggressive and initiate sex. In a way, he will feel this way, but what you have to remember is that once your relationship is ready to move to the sexual level, whether it's the first date or you've been together a year already, there is nothing more of a turn-on for a man than to be seduced. Besides, as we've already mentioned, if you are in a serious, monogamous relationship, most men want a woman that's their own private slut in the bedroom. If you're not, and your relationships are more about physical satisfaction than a long term commitment, then who cares what he thinks about you? Your goal is to be satisfied sexually, and what better way to accomplish this than you initiating what you want in bed?

Explore Different Techniques:

Find out what he likes to be done to him, and learn the styles that get him going.

What goes around comes around, and depending on where you're at in your relationship, once you take the lead and begin exploring different techniques to satisfy him, later on it will be 'his turn to have fun' and try different techniques on you.

Set aside an evening to stop thinking about yourself and your orgasm and spend the better part of an evening concentrating on him and his orgasm. If he tries to stop you and take control of the situation, tell him no, this is your time to explore the different things he enjoys, and let him know he will have his chance to do the same to you later. This is your opportunity to not only learn what he likes, but to see him in a new way. Very few women have actually just sat down and explored a man's body. Like men, they know where all the parts are, so in many ways people that have been together for more than a few weeks tend to see one another without really paying attention any longer. Sure, you might pay attention to a new outfit or new sexy lingerie, but once all the clothes come off, unless there's been some kind of change like a new tattoo or a new piercing, we tend to look at each other much the same as we would a picture we have hanging on the wall of our home. We know it's there, we know what it looks like, so we see it without paying attention to it. Not only will you paying attention to his body be an incredible turn on for him, it will give you time to become visually and emotionally stimulated. Since you will want to make this last, start by exploring his body (talked about below) before trying different techniques to get him off. Here's  little bonus tip: Start early enough in the evening and make him cum by either masturbating him or giving him a blowjob. After that, it's his turn to take his time and explore your body. This will give him time to be able to cum again later, so after using his hands, sex toys, and his mouth to bring you to an orgasm, or multiple orgasms, he will be able to fuck you and not only cum a second time, it should make it possible for him to hold out longer.

Explore his body:

Saying that a man's only sexual organ is a penis is like saying that a women can only derive sexual satisfaction through her clit. Your tits, the outer lips of your pussy, the inner walls of your vagina, and your G Spot are all sexual hot spots, but think about the other things you enjoy having done to your body. Gentle touches from a lovers fingertips up and down your arms or legs, a sensual massage, licks and kisses on your neck and ears are only a few of the things that are sexually stimulating to many women, and most men enjoy it when a woman explores his body as well. Spend some time being the aggressor and have him lay down as you use your finger tips, your hands, a vibrator, and your mouth to explore the different parts of his body. Use a massage oil on him. Not just baby oil, but a real massage oil. While baby oil may not smell bad, I don't know too many people that enjoy the taste of baby oil. A real massage oil will not only provide a pleasant scent, most of the massage oils have a pleasing taste as well. This should stimulate you emotionally, and when you're done you can lay down and ask him to do the same to you. If you're not comfortable asking him to return the favor or telling him exactly what to do, set the vibrator within easy reach for him, hand him the bottle of massage oil, then take his hand and guide his finger tips to a part of your body you want him to begin exploring and tell him "It's your turn now". He should get the hint.

Take control:
This brings us full circle and back to the self-confidence issue we started with. If you've taken the time to watch some adult movies and varied your techniques when masturbating, you should be feeling a lot more self confident and have a more relaxed attitude about sex in general. Whether you've actually learned anything new or not doesn't matter as much as your attitude about sex. If you're having a hard time understanding how watching porn movies and trying different masturbation techniques will help you be more confident, compare it to giving a speech in public. Anyone that is going to give a speech is going to be a lot more confident about it the more they take time to practice it. Just as the speaker learns to use subtle changes in their tone of voice or their actions to control the audiences reactions to his words, you will learn to control your actions and your lover's actions by knowing in advance what you want from each sexual encounter.

Taking control doesn't have to mean becoming a dominatrix or a dominant mistress. Being in control means you can be in charge all the way, from initiating sex to finishing in a female superior position, to simply guiding the evening in the direction you want.

Being self confident enough to be the one in charge once in a while will also help you to gain the knowledge you need to let yourself enjoy sex more when it's his turn to be in control, concentrating more on the pleasure you're feeling rather than trying to concentrate on having an orgasm. This should make it much easier for you to not only achieve an orgasm, but achieve multiple orgasms.

Whether you're single and date casually, engage in sex with multiple partners, are in a long term relationship, or you're married, one thing you will find as you gain confidence and begin to take control is that not only will you gain more pleasure from sex, your partner or partners will also be more satisfied. Remember, men are not only turned on by a woman that takes control once in a while, they feel a relief in the fact that they aren't always responsible for providing sexual satisfaction in the relationship. Some lesbian women will also be able to benefit if their relationship is based around their partner always being the aggressor.

Overcoming the fear of sex toys:

One last thing we need to talk about here is the fact that while many women want to bring sex toys into a relationship, a male partner may feel his manhood is being threatened by them. While this is more common in a heterosexual relationship than in a lesbian or gay relationship, it is possible to find any partner fearing sex toys as a threat to their own natural abilities, whether they are male or female. If your partner views the use of sex toys as a sign that he or she isn't able to satisfy you on their own, explain to them that the sex toys aren't there to replace them, but to add to the pleasure you both already feel before and during intercourse. It's usually easier to start with a vibrator and actively involve your partner by letting them know that you love the touch of their hands on your body, but no one's hands can vibrate. This should make sense to most people, and being able to provide a sensation that isn't possible without a vibrator should be enough to make your partner realize that adding sex toys to the relationship isn't a threat to their ability since the toy provides a stimulus no human can offer. Present a man with a vibrating cock ring and use the same approach to explain that not only will the vibrations stimulate both of you, the tightness of the cock ring will give him added pleasure since it's tighter than any pussy in the world. When using warming massage oils, you don't have to tell your partner the oils smell better or taste better than their body, just let them know it's not possible to achieve the warming sensations the oils provide without them.

While it may take some people a little time to get use to adding sex toys to their relationship, approaching your partner in this way should help him or her overcome any fears about not being good enough to satisfy you sexually without them.

Five Things That Drive Him Wild
By Veronique DiSorrento

I sometimes think it’s a shame women’s bodies don’t come with instruction manuals as men could use a bit of help figuring out how they work. (Of course, no man actually reads an instruction manual -- it’s too similar to asking for directions).

Fortunately, for us women, no complicated instructions are necessary to learn the proper operation of a man’s body. It’s much simpler. If you want to consistently drive your man wild, you simply need to give him the five things he loves. You probably have already thought of a possible list -- this was the first one that came to my mind:

1. power tools
2. beer
3. pizza
4. the remote
5. oral sex

But given that this is a column about how to drive your man wild sexually, I realized that wasn’t quite right and came up with a quick revision:

1. oral sex
2. oral sex
3. oral sex
4. oral sex
5. beer

While accurate in some cases, this second list overlooks many of men’s subtleties and will direct you to potentially inappropriate behavior (especially if you’ve just met). So here is a suitably refined list:

1. Flirting: Men love it when you acknowledge their attractiveness. As a friend of mine says, "We love to think we’re all that." Flirting is completely different than teasing. Teasing is game-playing (something men very much abhor), throwing out bait you never have any intention of reeling in. With teasing, you lead men on perhaps for the sheer pleasure of soundly dumping them. Not a good approach. But flirting is playful and flattering, and can still be done in an established relationship. Telling your man how sexy he looks hardly ever backfires.

2. Lust: A lusty woman is a sexy woman -- and it’s not simply lust for sex, but lust for life. Don’t push a piece of lettuce around your plate for hours. Dig in! Eat with gusto. If you’re a sports fan, watch the game passionately. If you can get passionate about sports or a really terrific meal, chances are you can get passionate about sex too. It means you’re able to let go and respond. It’s a big turn-on for a man, because he can imagine how you’ll react to his amorous efforts.

3. High heels: It may seem like a cliché, but it’s an undeniable truth. Men respond to visual stimuli -- much more so than women. And it’s not just high heels -- lace stockings, lingerie, negligees, cleavage. Ladies, do your man a favor. Dress up now and then. I know it’s not the most comfortable attire, and you’d love him to find you attractive just as you are. But he does. Just as you are in a black bra and garter belt.

4. Feedback: Whining -- bad. Moaning -- VERY good. Let him know how he’s making you feel. Vocalize your pleasure. Call his name. Let me put it another way. If you were making love to your man, would you want him to lie there silently, like a blob? I didn’t think so. He wants to know you’re there, and particularly enjoying his efforts.

5. Oral Sex: No list about what men love is complete without it. There is a "joke" I heard many years ago on the subject. Question: How does the worst (oral sex) in the world feel? Answer: Fantastic. The fact is ladies, men love a little tune on the skin flute. Of course they need to be squeaky clean first, and it’s up to you whether you stay for the big finish, but there are few men indeed who would not appreciate or say no to your trip downtown.

Good luck with the list, ladies. Refer to it as necessary. Excellent results are virtually guaranteed.

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