1 in 5 Relationships Start Online... Why Shouldn't Yours?

For decades we've followed the same old routine of heading to the singles bars or clubs to search for singles and (hopefully) find a date.

On occasion we do find someone that we think is nice... but too often it's after we've consumed enough alcohol to make us less picky than when we started.

Not all the people at bars and clubs are someone we wish we hadn't met the next morning.  Some people have even been lucky enough to find their significant other at a bar or club.

Now, before we go any further, let me say this.  Going out to a bar or club can be fun, but that's not what we're talking about here.  We're talking about making an effort to find people to date, someone to form a relationship with, or even finding that significant other in your life.

So what about those online dating sites?

Once upon a time, the words 'online dating' brought to mind images of desperate, nerdy, even creepy teenage boys or dysfunctional young men in their early 20s that couldn't get a real date if their life depended on it.

Times have changed.

Today, online dating is not only popular, it's becoming the the preferred method to find a date, and a potential partner. 

According to the Oxford study, middle aged men and women were most attracted towards online dating portals, not teenagers.    Online dating sites now attract people from every walk of life, from blue collar workers to doctors, lawyers, and professional business men and women.  There are even a couple of specialized online dating sites for men that make over $80,000 a year... and for women that want to meet them.  So while there may still some creepy people that use online dating sites, it's more likely you'll meet those creepy people on the street these days than on an online dating site.

What's the Attraction?
Online dating Web sites have become so popular because they give people more options when it comes to dating. Instead of having to go out and meet and greet dozens upon dozens of people, you can peruse dozens upon dozens of online profiles in just a fraction of the time.

The great thing about online dating is that you don't have to talk to each person you see, or each person that approaches you in a bar; you can pick and choose who you talk to, how you talk to them, and when you talk to them. This not only saves a lot of time, it puts you in a much better situation, and in much better control of what does or doesn't happen

Additionally, online dating allows you to connect with people who have similar interests, something that may be difficult to find when meeting people face-to-face. The ability to weed out people who aren't compatible and to get to know someone from a safe distance before a face-to-face encounter has spurred millions of people to turn to online dating.

So is online dating right for you?  If you're really interested in finding more dating partners that share the same interests you do, or looking for that significant other, there's no question that the world of online adult dating is right for anyone... including you.

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For many people, online dating is a lifesaver. Tired of going to bars and nightclubs, or perhaps living in a city with few single people of the opposite sex?  The internet has opened tons of doors for dating opportunities.

The first tip is to choose a site specific to what you are looking for. In other words, if you were Asian, wanting to date only Asians, you would have far more success choosing an all-Asian dating site. The same is true for any race, people with disabilities, gay people, or simply individuals looking for someone with shared interest. Once you have identified a reputable site, then your chances have significantly improved.

Secondly, you need to create a powerful profile, providing just enough information to make someone interested in knowing more. Too often, profiles are vague, which means the person does not say enough to attract other people. The opposite can also be a problem in creating a profile with so much information that any mystery is gone. Therefore, we recommend you take time to write a clean and clear profile.

Third, make sure you post a number of photos. While posting older photos to show personality or to tell a story is fine, you also want a recent headshot. Studies show that profiles on online dating sites with featured photographs are visited 50% more than those without photos. In addition to your own photos, you might consider putting some up of your pets, favorite scenery, and so on. Although some people will post children’s photos, we advise against this.

Additionally, do not be afraid to be selective. Once you join an online dating service, you will likely be bombarded with interested people. Make sure you have a good idea of the person you want to meet so you do not waste your time being nice to others. You are not required to respond to every message received, which is why online dating is so convenient and safe – 100% privacy.

Making a few wise decisions can lead to a successful experience with online dating. Just remember, there are millions of singles just like you wanting a good relationship. By doing things the right way, you may soon be on your way to meeting that one special someone.

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If you're looking for a long term, meaningful relationship, then the sites in the  'Relationship' category are right for you.  If you're looking for a senior companion, select from the sub-category 'Over 40 - Singles' If you enjoy an upscale lifestyle and prefer to date others with a similar lifestyle, you would select from the sub-category 'Sophisticated Lifestyle'.

For men and women looking for casual relationships, or just easy hookups and casual sex, then the 'Casual Sex' category is where you want to start.  If you prefer mature partners, you would select from the sub-category 'Over 40'.

As you can see, the categories and sub-categories are all pretty self explanatory, and the sites are not only quick to sign up for, but your membership is free.  So find what you're looking for, click on the links that interest you, sign up for your free membership and check out the other members.   If you like what you see, you can always upgrade from the free membership status to take advantage of the advanced features available (see below).  If a site you sign up for doesn't have what, or maybe who you're looking for, simply move on to another site until you do find one you like.

Special Features: Many of the sites have advanced features such as  multiple chat rooms, webcam chat, video profiles (a MAJOR plus), tens-of-thousands of blogs with hundreds-of-thousands of posts (you can even create your own), and other attractive social networking features.  It's important to not that some of the more advanced options may be limited to those with a paid membership.

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Online Flirting Obstacles:
What are the biggest obstacles to email flirting with Internet dating candidates?

No chemistry online:
One of the biggest barriers to flirting online is the lack of a chemistry connection. One 42-year-old female writer shared, "It's hard to flirt via email because flirting is so much about physical attraction and eye contact.”

Misunderstood Flirting:
Flirting online with the right message can actually be an art. A 40-something actress shared, "If you flirt too heavily, they might get the wrong impression and think you want to sleep with them on the first date.” A 34-year-old male movie director shared another warning. He said, "Do not ask them about their ex-boyfriend or ex-husband because you don't want them thinking about the past. The more you get another guy on their brain, the more that you are just hurting your chances.”

Grammar Issues:
Several people noted that poor spelling and grammar are big turn-offs. A 40-something Public Relations Manager shared, "I take off points for bad spelling and grammar.” Alternatively, one guy commented, "Some people type fast, so as long as it is not too bad, I'm ok with a few mistakes. However, I usually proof my emails before I send them out.”


Online Flirting Tips:
So what are the tricks to flirting online when Internet dating?

Humor is your Ally:
You are trying to entice a candidate to keep communicating and perhaps go to the first-date level, so levity is important. A 38-year-old female comedian shared, "I don't think it is hard to flirt via email at all. It's like acting. It's very fun to flirt online.”

A 35-year-old male film editor commented, "It depends on the person. You need to be able to read the person to tell what kind of humor you can get away with. Humor is definitely sexy, and so is confidence because girls pick that up.”

Try making a funny comment about his or her username, email address or profile comments. For example, one 38-year-old Marketing Director revealed, "One guy had something in his tag line about ice and cold. My email subject line to him said, "Thaw your profile and thought I'd write.” She added that it might be "corny, but at least it's not just the run-of- the-mill answer.”

Keep it Simple:
Use light-hearted emails with an upbeat tone to attract your suitors online. A 40-something female painter shared, "Make your responses simple and use simple questions in your emails to flirt.” There is no need for long emails either. A 42-year-old makeup artist shared, "I can tell if I am interested in just 3-4 sentences.”

Hand out a Few Compliments:
One of the best ways to flirt online is to extend a few sincere compliments. People love to be told good news. Share a couple of positive notes in your emails, but remember not to overdo it. One 30-something guy commented, "I always try to say something subtle, but sincere.” You might say to someone who plays the piano, "I think it is awesome that you play piano.”

A 35-year-old actor shared another example on this topic: "I met a girl a week ago, and I emailed her, 'You do know how cute you are.' I think everyone loves a compliment.” He added, "Be sincere and don't throw out phony baloney.”


Ten Flirtatious Questions:
Try using these ten flirtatious questions recommended by active Internet daters as a way to attract potential mates on the net:

1. Where did you get that fantastic smile?

2. Where was that great photograph of you taken?

3. Where is the most romantic place that you've been on a date?

4. How could you possibly be 45 when you look 30 in your picture?

5. If you could go anywhere in the world for a romantic vacation, where would you go?

6. What was your ex thinking when he/she let you go?

7. What is your favorite ice cream flavor and why?

8. What is your favorite color and why?

9. Should I pick you up in my Rolls or Benz?

10. So when are we going to make out? On the first date or the second date? (Depending on the person, you can sound cute using this one.)

So don't forget your humor and good will, and keep it simple when email flirting on the Internet. You will have better luck using levity and throwing out a few sincere compliments with your Internet dating candidates online.

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Rule #1: Love Yourself First
Have you ever noticed that happy people get more attention? And if you are happy with yourself, it shows. So in order to attract more people into your life for dating purposes, focus on the things that make you happy. Try writing a large piece of paper full of ideas that you can use in a pinch, such as taking a hot bath, going for a bike ride or filling your home with plants. Then, pick three items from this list every day with conscious effort, knowing that the time you take tending to increasing your own personal joy will increase the pull others feel to learn more about who you are.

Rule #2: Cut Ties To Your Ex
Although this may be contentious for some, it is an important step in the dating process. No one wants your ex lover, or an ex spouse, sticking their nose in where it doesn't belong... and isn't welcome.  Just like a spring cleaning clears your space of clutter and cobwebs, removing an ex after a breakup can free you to meet someone new. Of course there are circumstances where this may not be possible - such as if you have children together or work in the same office. But whenever possible, you need to remove your ex from your personal life, even if it is only temporary.

Rule #3: Face Your Dating Fears
Feeling anxious or upset about the prospects of meeting someone new usually translates into fear. If the thoughts of never meeting someone special, being upset that your last partner refused to commit, or convincing yourself you aren't worth dating are taking over your thought processes, it is time to face your dating fears. By not following this dating rule and ignoring the issues, your inability to risk losing your heart will stop you from meeting someone special.

Rule #4: Don't Lose Who You Are
No matter what kind of a relationship you are in, one of your top priorities is to be yourself. This means more than loving yourself.  It means developing a strong sense of security about yourself, a strong sense of self worth, self confidence, and self esteem. While change and compromise over time is fine, don't start out trying to be the person you think he or she wants you to be.  If you're going to build a relationship based on love for one another, then the person you're with needs to fall in love with you, not someone you're pretending to be.

Rule #5: Ensure Every Date is Fun
Not only does trying to make your date happy make you feel good, but it is also one of the first signs of attraction. Studies have shown that when taking someone out on a date, the primary way your date will determine the success of the event is how much fun they had.

Rule #6: Communicate Well and Clearly
It is impossible to have a healthy relationship without strong communication. In essence, communication is the bridge that forms between partners, helping them create a 'middle ground' where they can meet. Without clear communication, two people who seem like they are connected romantically to outsiders truly aren't; instead they just going through the motions, lacking the intimacy they require to move forward, together.

Rule #7: Be Willing to Compromise
No matter how compatible two people are, they are going to have their differences.  Most of the time this doesn't adversely affect the relationship, but It's when these differences do cause conflict, compromise from both parties is necessary. In order to work through the issues that arise in these kinds of circumstances, both partners must be able and willing to give a little. A relationship where both partners are willing to compromise can be the key to a bright future together.

Rule #8: Nurture Your Relationship
Falling in love is easy... building and maintaining a meaningful relationship takes work.  All dating relationships require tender loving care in order to thrive. Daily appreciation, respect, attentiveness, reciprocity and kindness all work towards showing your partner that you cherish them and value their contribution to your life.

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Forget what you think you know and get ready to have a very different view about single men and women in America.

The largest and most comprehensive nationally-representative study of single men and women ever done dispels long-held beliefs about singles in America. Although there are 105 million singles in the United States;¹ representing one-third of the US population, these women and men have gone largely unstudied--even as their attitudes and behaviors are shaping America's cultural norms and challenging traditional foundations. Based on this groundbreaking study, a new picture of single Americans emerges that is radically different than it was 50 years ago when the median age of first marriage for women was 20 and only 10% of women ages 25-29 were not married.²  The single today is defying gender and age stereotypes, adopting new dating habits, and changing the very definition of relationships.

The study of singles in America was funded by Match.com and conducted by MarketTools in association with biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher, social historian Stephanie Coontz, evolutionary biologist Justin Garcia and the Institute for Evolutionary Studies at Binghamton University (EvoS). The study, based on the attitudes and behaviors of a representative sample of 5,200 US single people ages 21 to 65+, is the most comprehensive survey of American singles ever undertaken.

"I'm amazed this study hasn't been done before but in my literature search I've found nothing as comprehensive," says Dr. Helen Fisher. "Moreover, I am fascinated to learn that men are just as eager to marry and have children, and more eager to compromise in a relationship. In fact, today's singles are returning to dating patterns that are highly compatible with our ancient human brain...With a few remarkable exceptions: men are now expressing some traditionally female attitudes while women are adopting some of those long attributed to men! This survey busts some entrenched myths about women, men, sex and love."

The New Monogamy: Singles are not desperate to marry and have children.

• 72% of singles would live with someone in the future without marrying
• In the 21-34 age group, 62% of single women and men want to marry, 9% do not and 29% aren’t certain about marriage
• For singles ages 35-44, those numbers drop further. In that category, 40% of singles 35-44 want to wed, 19% do not and 42% aren’t certain

Men are quicker to fall in love, & more likely to want children:

• 54% of men say they have experienced love at first sight, versus 44% of women
• Among singles without children under 18, more men (24%) than women (15%) say they want children

Women want more independence in their relationships than men do: Across every age group, women want...

• More personal space in a committed relationship
• More nights out with their (girl) friends
• Their own bank account
• To take vacations on their own

Women’s attitudes and behaviors differ: Both single women and men have adopted more progressive attitudes toward gender roles.

• 49% of women disagree that women should be the primary caregiver (versus 38% of men).
• 87% of women say they would pick up the check on a date under some circumstances
• 85% of women believe that it’s possible to have a successful career and relationship at the same time. However, women’s behavior does not always reflect their evolving beliefs
• In the past year, 89% of women have not asked someone out on a date and 48% of women typically wait for the other person to reach out after the first date.
• With a new partner, women still prefer their partners to initiate sex

Prejudice waning; singles are more open-minded when dating:

• Only 20% of men and 29% of women regard it as a must have or very important to find someone from their own ethnic background
• 17% of men and 28% of women must have or say it is very important to find someone of the same religion

Singles remain romantic:

• 41% believe in love at first sight
• 76% believe they can stay married forever, if they marry.
• 29% of singles report having remained intensely in love with their last partner for 2-5 years
• 8% remained intensely in love 6-10 years
• 18% said the feeling of intense romantic love lasted more than 10 years

Old and grumpy? Think again:

• Older singles (ages 65 and over) report the greatest level of happiness over the past 12 months, followed by 21-24 year olds
• Seniors also report being less stressed by being single
• Contrary to popular belief, sex is important to older singles. In fact, older men and women are less likely than other age groups to compromise on either love or sexual attractiveness in order to have a committed relationship

Hook-ups and one night stands can turn into partnerships:

• 36% of singles are open to a casual hook-up in the near future
• 54% of singles have had a one-night stand
• 35% have had a one-night stand that turned into a long term partnership

Office romances are few, short and not usually destructive:

• In the past 5 years, only 12% of singles dated someone in their office
• Most workplace romances lasted less than 3 months and only 6% of women dated their boss
• After breaking up, 56% reported this romance did not affect their professional relationship
• 36% of singles would consider dating someone in the workplace

Second looks can pay off:

• 35% of men and women had fallen in love with someone they were not initially attracted to
• 71% became smitten after having great conversations or finding shared interests or both

Fidelity is a must:

• 69% of singles regard fidelity as a must have
• In the case of 46% of the singles, either one or both partners have been unfaithful and 78% of these broke up after the discovery
• 70% believe that divorce is acceptable after one or both partners cheat

(1) US 2010 Census data
(2) Stephanie Coontz, Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage. (Penguin Books, 2005)

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While you don't want to appear desperate, just like always being late or constantly making him wait for you (see section 5: Face-to-Face Dating), playing hard to get is just a head game, and unless you're looking for a relationship with an incompetent, insecure loser that a 10 year old could manipulate, these are the kind of games where nobody wins.

If the man you're trying to manipulate by playing hard to get has any measurable intelligence, and even the slightest degree of self assurance or self confidence, he will either become hopelessly confused about what you really want... and move on to someone else; Think you're not interested... and move on to someone else; Get bored with waiting on you... and move on to someone else; See thorough your games... and move on to someone else; Or think you're rude and not worth his time... and move on to someone else.

We're not saying you should be a slut and hop in bed with every guy you meet on the first date, but Matthew Hussy, author of "Secrets Of The Male Mind" explains exactly WHY a woman that plays hard to get will end up getting nothing but a life of misery... even if she does get her man.

Why every book you’ve ever read about how to get men is wrong
by Matthew Hussey, author of "Secrets Of The Male Mind"

There is a great myth in the dating world that has been sold to women as solid dating advice for years.

The “Great Myth” can be summed up in eight words:  “MEN WANT A WOMAN WHO IS HARD TO GET”

Let me start by saying: THIS BELIEF IS A FALLACY. And I’m going to tell you why.

In fact, I’m going to stick my neck out and say that this belief leads to more unhappiness and unfulfilled relationships than you ever could imagine.

First let’s look at some classic examples of “Hard-to-get behavior”. Below are a couple of recommendations that followers of the “Hard-to-get” methodology would usually advise:

• “If he approaches you and your friends at a bar, don’t give him any attention”
• “Don’t answer texts from him the next day”
• “Be elusive when he tries to make plans with you”
• “Tell him you’re busy when you’re not”

Have any of these described your current attitude?

I can see why this intuitively sounds like a good idea – “Make myself the prize. Yeah, that’ll make him try to win me. He’ll put massive value on someone he has to work really hard for.” But it’s this simple piece of psychology that leads women to manipulate men, hide how they feel and shut themselves out from letting men discover who they really are.

So you play games. You might tell him you’re busy when you’re not. Or you stop answering his phone calls. Or you even cancel plans at the last minute without so much as an apology.

Simple psychology right? – The harder you are to get, the more he wants what he can’t have.

Well that’s what will happen initially. But take that simple psychology a step further and what you’ll find is this – once you finally give him the thing he wants, it won’t seem so good anymore!


This is known as cat-string theory.

If you dangle a string above a cat, it will keep clawing at it in a desperate desire to possess the object. Of course, when you finally give up the elusive string, the cat doesn’t want it anymore.

And that’s what hard-to-get does. It attracts him to the process, the game itself, instead of to you. It attracts him to the IDEA of possessing you, but when he finally does, he will start to question why he was ever that bothered in the first place.


Some women realize this and come to even worse conclusions by thinking “Oh! So I just have to keep playing games forever to keep him wanting me.” And so she plays games, withdraws into herself, and never really quite gives herself fully to any relationship for fear of “losing her power”.

This isn’t any route to lasting happiness in a relationship. In fact, there are only 2 types of men you will end up with when you play this hard-to-get game:

1. An insecure mess who spends all his time trying to figure out where he stands.
2. A man who plays your own games back at you.

Meanwhile, most good men will have done one of the following:

• Given up (after being confused and assuming you must not be interested)
• Grown bored and moved onto someone more fun
• Deemed you ‘rude’ and decided you’re not worth their time

And that's exactly why you need to stop playing hard to get.

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